EDITOR’S NOTE: Lifescape is hosting a free informational webinar on this topic on Monday, December 8 at 6:30 pm Central. REGISTER
Thanksgiving and the December holidays bring families together, often for the first time in months. For many adult children, the holiday visit home can be eye-opening—and sometimes alarming. When you haven’t seen your elderly parents in a while, you may suddenly notice changes that have been gradual for them but appear stark to you. This year, if your Thanksgiving visit revealed that Mom or Dad isn’t doing as well as you thought, you’re not alone—and you’re right to be concerned.
Warning Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore
Sometimes the signs are subtle, other times they’re impossible to miss. As you settle in for your Thanksgiving visit, pay attention to both the home environment and your parents’ behavior.
Around the House
Look for peeling paint, an unshoveled driveway, or an untreated walkway. Inside, you might notice newspapers still in plastic wrap, piled-up mail, or a house that isn’t as clean as it used to be. Perhaps there’s an unusual odor, spoiled food in the refrigerator, or broken appliances that haven’t been repaired.
Personal Care
Your parents may appear in disheveled clothing or show signs of poor personal hygiene. Weight loss, unexplained bruising, or difficulty getting up from a seated position are all red flags. Watch for confusion when performing once-familiar tasks, like cooking Thanksgiving dinner or operating the TV remote.
Behavioral Changes
Depression, extreme mood swings, low energy, or loss of interest in hobbies can indicate something is wrong. Forgetfulness beyond normal aging—missing appointments, forgetting medications, or repeating the same questions—deserves attention.
Financial Red Flags
Late payment notices, bounced checks, or calls from collection agencies suggest your parents may be struggling to manage their finances.
Safety Concerns
Unexplained dents on the car or difficulty with mobility around the house raise immediate safety issues that need to be addressed.
Taking Action: What to Do Next
If you notice these warning signs, the first step is having an honest, compassionate conversation with your parents. Approach the topic from a place of love and concern, not criticism. Use “I” statements like “I’m worried about you” rather than “You’re not taking care of yourself.”
However, don’t expect immediate agreement. Aging parents and their adult children are often in denial that there’s a problem. Your parents may resist admitting they need help because they fear losing their independence. This is natural, but it doesn’t mean you should ignore the warning signs.
Document what you’ve observed. Take photos if appropriate, and write down specific examples. This information will be valuable whether you’re talking to siblings, healthcare providers, or legal professionals.
When Family Members Disagree
One of the most challenging aspects of addressing elderly parent care is when siblings or other family members don’t agree there’s a problem. Perhaps they live closer and haven’t noticed the gradual decline, or they’re in denial because accepting the situation is too painful.
If not everyone agrees there’s a problem, consider these strategies:
- Share your specific observations and documentation
- Suggest a family meeting with a neutral third party, such as your parents’ doctor
- Request that other family members visit and observe for themselves
- Avoid accusations and focus on your parents’ safety and wellbeing
- Remember that you can take action even if others disagree, especially if safety is at risk
The Distance Dilemma
If your elderly loved ones live in Kansas or Missouri and you live in another state, managing their care from afar presents unique challenges. You can’t be there daily to monitor the situation, and you need local support systems in place.
This is where having trusted professionals nearby becomes essential. You need people close to your loved ones who can:
- Check in regularly and report concerns
- Handle legal and financial matters locally
- Navigate local healthcare and social service systems
- Respond quickly if an emergency arises
- Coordinate care and services in your absence
If your loved one needs long-term care but doesn’t have the money to pay for it, you will need to get legal help from an elder law attorney familiar with the Medicaid laws in the state where your loved one lives. Medicaid rules vary significantly from state to state, and proper planning can help protect assets while ensuring your loved one qualifies for needed benefits.
Long-distance caregiving is incredibly stressful, but you don’t have to manage it alone. Building a local support team—including experienced legal counsel—is crucial for your parents’ safety and your peace of mind.
Get Professional Help Today
If your holiday visit revealed concerning changes in your elderly parents, don’t wait until the situation becomes a crisis. The attorneys at Lifescape Elder Care Law & Estate Planning understand the complex legal, financial, and care planning challenges families face when aging parents need help.
Whether you need to establish powers of attorney, explore Medicaid planning options, arrange guardianship, or simply understand what legal protections should be in place, Lifescape can guide you through every step.
Call Lifescape Elder Care Law & Estate Planning at 816.291.4143 to schedule a consultation. Let us help you protect your parents and create a care plan that works—even from a distance.
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